I feel that I live a semi-interesting life and have been journaling lately. I spontaneously decided to write for others to read instead. Maybe reading my nonsense may help someone else; maybe me knowing that someone else can read it, will help me. Regardless, here goes nothing. I can’t really tell you what to expect from all of this, or even narrow it down to a specific genre. I just plan to put all that consumes my mind into this blog and whatever I deem worthy to tell others about.
I have been through so much in my life and feel like telling the world a piece of it, and possibly over-dramatizing the rest. Besides, being dramatic is what I’ve been told that I do best. So, let’s see how this goes…
There are many different kinds of relationships you will experience in life. In no particular order, you will have the relationship that introduces your “first love”, the one that you jump into to escape the heartbreak of the previous, the one that will develop for years bringing you to believe that you have found “your soulmate”, the one that will last a few months with no regrets, but no future, and then finally, there’s that special final one. After so much pain and heart ache, it hits you. You realize that all of the lessons learned from the years of past relationships have brought you here. You meet your person and have this insane magnetic connection. With a simple kiss, fire ignites deep within your soul and your broken heart begins to heal. It’s as if you can’t remember what your reason for waking up every morning was before having them in your life. Your heart overflows with love and a smile has become tattooed on your face. Sleeping seems unnecessary; your reality feels better than any dream possibly could. Finding words to describe this sensation is nearly impossible, but you just want the world to know how happy you are.
Personally, I just want to show gratitude to you, Mr. First love, for showing me how to give my heart to someone without hesitation. I ask for forgiveness, Mr. Rebound, for taking advantage of you in my heartbreak; you deserved better and I hope you have found it. I appreciate you, Mr. Long-term, for being my best friend and partner for the many years that I needed you and teaching me so many lessons in life. But surprisingly, more than them all, I want to thank you, Mr. Conclusion; whether your actions were right or wrong, you helped me get passed some hard times and let go of things and people that I may not have been able to on my own. Without me letting go, my heart would have never made it to where it is now. I admire the effort you put in, hold close to my heart some of the wonderful memories we made, and pray that you find the kind of unconditional love that I am lucky enough to have found today. I thank you all for teaching me so much about the different levels of love and preparing my heart and mind for the man that I am supposed to spend my life with.
For my one and only, I love you just doesn’t seem to grasp how deeply I feel for you. To say that you complete me seems so cheesy, but more true than ever. You are everything that I have ever wanted and needed. My heart is at peace and so full and though it feels impossible, I swear I fall more and more in love with you every day. Baby, you are the love of my life and I am never letting you go. I promise to always make you feel loved and appreciated. I promise to be your best friend and biggest fan. I promise to cherish you and never take you for granted. I promise to do everything in my power to keep the same smile on your face that you constantly keep on mine. I promise to grow with you and motivate you. I promise to be strong for you on the days you feel weak. I promise to protect your heart with my all. I promise to never stop thanking God for bringing you into my life. Thank you for loving me. I can hardly wait to spend the rest of forever with you.
We met in my dreams last night; this time was different. It’s as if my subconscious knows that both of our realities have changed, so it changed the way I usually saw you in my dreams. I used to look forward to the nights that you would visit me. This time, you didn’t show up alone; you brought her with you. More than that, the house we were in was no longer ours, but was yours together now. We talked over tea and spoke of the goings on in our separate lives. It was crazy to be sitting there needing to “catch up” when we once communicated all day, every day. She asked you if you wanted a refill on your tea. Without hesitation, I blurted out that too much caffeine gives you headaches and peaks your anxiety. She looked at me and politely smiled. I couldn’t help it. I knew you better than she did, but it was her time to learn. An hour passed so quickly and before I knew, it was time to go. We hugged each other goodbye and gazed into one another’s eyes with a look as if to say, “I’ll always love you, but it’s time to let go”. I thanked her for her hospitality then drove away from the house I once called my home. I parked at my new home, sat in my car, and just allowed myself to process everything. Things were different than I had ever thought they’d be, but that wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. I hear a ringing; louder and louder it gets, then suddenly I awaken. My eyes slowly peel open to see the sunshine beaming through the slightly opened curtain. I hit the snooze on my noisy alarm clock and sit up in bed. I pick up my phone to see a text from hours ago with the name “Boyfriend” on it. He tells me that He is going to sleep and that he loves me. Crazy thing is, I love him too. I am at peace more than ever because I know that my best friend is happy, but also I am happy. Time has passed and this is it. I could never imagine that life would be this way. I swore this was a fairy tale, but it’s not. He is my prince charming. Joseph Garza is the love of my life and I have made peace with my past and I am more than ready for my future. I only pray that he loves me as much as I love him.
Looking at you and seeing my entire world.
Hearing your dorky laugh that sounds like you just discovered something (aHA!).
Feeling hypnotized by every word that comes out of your mouth.
Studying your breathtaking features and praying that our future children take after your genes.
Finding out your favorite band and willing myself to listen to them in hopes of attending a concert with you someday and putting a cheesy smile on your face.
Knowing that I can have the absolute best time with you without doing a damn thing.
Desiring to understand the way you think, your wants, your goals.
Believing in you and pushing you to always be better; for you, for us, for our future.
Watching you with my nephew and picturing what a great father you may be someday.
Facing scary things in life, but worrying less because I know you will be by my side.
Love is finally being happy with the present and not just impatiently waiting for it all to get better “in the future”.
I want us to grow, to evolve; but I can honestly say that I have never been happier in my entire life. I love you, baby, and I can hardly wait to have an adventurous life with you.
So far, this has been the best year yet. I ended New Years Eve night/New Years morning making memories with my significant other. As mentioned previously, we have been dating for a little while now. NYE night, he got down on one knee and with a sour watermelon ring pop, fake proposed to me asking me to be his girlfriend officially. It was absolutely adorable. Not that I had any desire to, but could any girl really deny that? Of course not. He is the sweetest person ever and so very thoughtful. I had joked about a ring pop in the past and he remembered the flavor and all to make it that much more special. I excitedly accepted this new relationship and look forward to seeing what this year has in store for us. I’ll keep you all posted, but know that if I haven’t checked in, it’s because I am out living life and allowing myself to love and be happy again.
To say that 2017 was tough would be the understatement of the year. I went through a lot; most of what I brought on myself. Regardless, I endured it; we all did.
Today is the first day of a new year, a clean slate for us all. Make new goals, push forward with everything you have, believe in yourself, grow, take note of the lessons learned in previous years, make a difference and just be better. Leave your sorrows in the past and allow yourself to move on. Let yourself be vulnerable to love, get a new job if you’re unhappy with your current one, free yourself of negative people in your life, get out of your comfort zone. Stop letting everyone else’s actions or emotions dictate how you live your life. Put control in God’s hands and trust that He will guide you throughout this year and make it one to remember.
I’m excited for what 2018 has in store for me and plan on putting myself out there to make the most of it all. I brought in this year jumping out of the shower with just a few minutes until midnight and rushed to the television to witness the countdown. This is the first year ever that I have welcomed the new year alone, yet I was completely content with it. I began this year with a prayer thanking God for another year and for all that He has done for me and my loved ones, and prayed for safety for those out tonight. I feel that so far I have started the year on the right path. Now, I will patiently wait for my dearest to get home from work so I can claim my New Years Kiss and begin this year blissfully with a heart full of love. This will be my best year yet, and friends, I pray it be yours as well.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I realize that my blog is pretty much just my love life, or lack thereof. Oh well. Here’s the most recent update. This guy I was talking to over a year ago left to the Navy and I ended up dating my ex. Two weeks after my breakup almost 3 months ago, he returned home and went into the reserves. We have been hanging out again and everything has been absolutely perfect. He worships the ground I walk on and treats me like a queen. He is the sweetest and most thoughtful man ever. I am completely obsessed with him at the moment and am already marrying him in my head.
On another note, I started a new job at Verizon and am absolutely loving it. I make good money and work with some really cool people. I purchased a new car about a month ago and am saving money by moving back in with my family. All in all, things are good.
Of course, I have some rough days and some memories that haunt me. However, I know that I just have to focus on the good things and not let the bad bring me down. Just have to stay true to my mantra: “One day at a time”.