Motivation: what you do when you find this will change your life.
Now, I’m not some famous writer about to tell you that a little motivation and pushing myself helped me to become a published author or anything. I’m just your ordinary Jane Doe with a laptop and a passion.
Throughout the last decade my father has told me that I should pursue my passion and God-given talent and make a career out of writing; I never did. For years, I found myself diving from one dead-end job to another. Frustrated, I would cry to family and friends and tell them how difficult life was and that I felt as if I had wasted yet another year of my life. I found another job that I swore was promising and proceeded to either ruin my chances for opportunity for growth due to ignorant mistakes, or just get bored and quit. I found myself giving up on everything just as quickly as I had started.
Jobs weren’t the only thing I seemed unable to hold onto; relationships were a major fail as well. Don’t get me wrong, I was an amazing girlfriend when I wanted to be. I even had multiple long term relationships; but something was missing. I didn’t know how to stay strong through the hard times, or maybe I just didn’t have the desire to put in that much effort. Even when I thought I had found true love, my actions showed me otherwise.
For a few consistent years of my life, I made health and exercise a priority. I found it, initially, as a sort of therapy and way to get out of my head, or deeper into it. I’m not really sure to be exact. Exhausting myself through cardio or weight lifting made me feel alive and in control. Eating well and taking care of myself gave me an energy like no other. I was known amongst family and friends to be the “fit” one. My life revolved around my health and it kept me sane. Then, I stopped. Just like the other areas of my life, I quit. That doesn’t mean I’m overweight now by any means; but I’m far from healthy and where I’d like to be.
Fast forward through the blur of many years of mistakes and lessons learned to where I am now. At twenty-eight years old, I quit yet another job and another relationship and moved back into my fathers house. I couldn’t believe that I was about to start over again at my age. Can you imagine how depressing it was at first? I looked around to see my old classmates and coworkers and the lives they had built for themselves; and here I was back at square one. I allowed it to break me down for a while. I sulked and drank my sorrows away. Instead of taking advantage of a new beginning, I decided to dig a hole to hide my head in as if that would magically make things better.
Finally, I decided to make a change. I picked myself up and found a new job (which I have since then replaced due to God putting something better in my path). I let go of the heartache of past relationships that was weighing me down and controlling too much of my mind and heart and allowed myself to find true love like never before. I moved into an apartment with my boyfriend and I began to pray again daily. I listened to uplifting music instead of entertaining the kind of music that would steer me toward a negative emotion. I started running again and slowly began to find myself. God started to heal my heart and show me the good that was in my life. He showed me that though I had made some pretty bad decisions, I wasn’t a bad person. One morning a man asked me what my motivation was. I was surprised that I did’t even have to hesitate to answer. I discovered that the people whom I found to be my motivation had been there all along; my family.
I put so much of my feelings and effort for many many years into the wrong things, the wrong people. My constant supporters have been my family. I love my parents and siblings with all of my heart, but my true soft spot lies with my nieces and nephews. From the moment I held my first nephew Xavier in my arms in the hospital, I knew my life would never be the same. Sadly, I lost sight of what was truly important for a while, but I won’t let that happen again. Living on this side of town near my siblings, I am able to see my nieces and nephews as often as I’d like. I can pop by my sisters house for a family dinner or easily swing by my brothers to pick up my nephew for a pool day. The beaming smiles on their faces when they see their Tia is all the motivation I need to become a better person. I desire, more than anything, to be someone they are proud to have in their lives. I strive to grow and love like never before. My family now, and the family that my loving boyfriend and I will have together someday, are my constant motivation. What’s yours?