Shenanigans

I feel that I live a semi-interesting life and have been journaling lately. I spontaneously decided to write for others to read instead. Maybe reading my nonsense may help someone else; maybe me knowing that someone else can read it, will help me. Regardless, here goes nothing. I can’t really tell you what to expect from all of this, or even narrow it down to a specific genre. I just plan to put all that consumes my mind into this blog and whatever I deem worthy to tell others about.
I have been through so much in my life and feel like telling the world a piece of it, and possibly over-dramatizing the rest. Besides, being dramatic is what I’ve been told that I do best. So, let’s see how this goes…

Advertisements
Featured post

Houston, we have a problem, and its name is Harvey.

I remember starting off last weekend feeling sorry for myself because I had to cancel my birthday trip to Austin with my boyfriend. We expected a storm, but what we got was something unimaginable. Friday, August 25, 2017, I drove to my boyfriend’s job at Costco to leave my car in parking garage over the weekend for fear of flooding and ride with him home. They offered him overtime due to the massive amount of people shopping in preparation for Harvey. I decided to be productive with my time while waiting so headed to Home Depot. The warehouse was packed with people purchasing supplies. I stood in one long line to get fifteen bags of sand, then stood in another just as long to pay for them. Before the storm even began, I saw glimpses of the unity that would soon be wonderfully displayed throughout the city. Workers at Home Depot loaded my sand bags onto a flat bed, a gentlemen seeing my petite self struggling to pull the weight of fifteen 60 lb bags to the front grabbed and pulled it to the front for me, after paying more home depot workers loaded my car, and even the maintence men at my apartments unloaded and stacked the sand bags outside the doors of my home for me. I had more time to spare and expected power outages so ran to the dollar store for candles. Even the dollar store was packed! I returned to Costco, left my car parked there and drove off with my boyfriend in his. He purchased cases of water and non perishable food from work; we stopped at his parents home as well as two other friends homes to deliver those items, then headed back to my place to settle in and prepare for this storm.

Friday night, not much happened. A little bit of rain, but nothing close to what was rumored to come. My boyfriend and I even went out and got sushi for dinner, though the restaurant closed early. I refuse to pay for cable that won’t be used in my house, so used a small antenna that only showed ABC 13. That was good enough to keep us updated on Harvey.  Here it was, Saturday, the 26th, and like a thief in the night, Harvey snuck in and hit us hard nonstop throughout the night. The amount of rain we were receiving was breathtaking.  Restless, I continued watching the news as my boyfriend fell into a peaceful slumber. Another hour passes and I am in dire need of filling my mind with something aside from the uncontrollable weather so I pop in a movie. Afterwards, I forced myself to turn off the tv and attempt sleep.

Sunday, August 27, 2017,  my twenty-eighth birthday which will never be forgotten. We woke up, and before getting out of bed, turned the local news back on. My heart sunk. We watched in horror for hours upon hours of news showing the devastating results of this massive storm. Oh the tremendous damage that was caused in just one night. Bayous full and some over flowing. Streets that had become rivers and houses disappearing with nothing to be seen but the rooftops. I picked up my phone and called my sister. She said that water had flooded her kids playroom and was a foot away from entering their newly purchased home. I called my father but received no answer. A little later he sent me a message with nothing but a single picture of what appeared to be a lake where his neighborhood is. Water had entered his home. The rain continued though it definitely wasn’t anything like the night before. We walked downstairs to see water nearly covering my living room floor. I can’t imagine how much worse it would have been had I not purchased those sand bags. I put on my rain boots and a jacket and we walked out the door to take a look at the status of my apartments. The pool was over its brim, cars parked on curbs to try to avoid flooding, and water everywhere. So much water.

It has now been a little over a week since Hurricane Harvey hit our city. Houston was underwater, and numberless amounts of people lost so much; from their cars, to their homes, and some even their lives. Hearts were shattered as Houstonians climbed into rescue boats with next to nothing to their names but the clothes on their backs and , if lucky enough, a small backpack. The National Guard was called to come do search and rescues in Houston and the cities affected around them. My brother left to meet up with his unit and is still out there giving his service unlikely to come home for the next couple of weeks. A good amount of the water has now receded enough to fully assess the damages. Houston has come together as one to help in any way possible. Shelters opened and donations are being given without hesitation. I have friends that have to completely start over, but my family and I were truly blessed. Yes, we may have dealt with a little bit of water, but when asked about how we were affected by Harvey, we can respond with a heavy but grateful heart saying “not nearly as bad as others”. Houston has shown everyone how strong we are while recovering from this and I could not be more proud to call this city my home.

Give her the love she needs, not just what you feel is acceptable.

She needs more from you. You may not understand why she is the way she is; she will forever be a mystery. However, if she gives you all of the tools needed to make her feel loved, use them. She isn’t like this because of you; it’s just who she is. You may see it as needy but we all love differently. You see love as providing for her financially and being there with your presence, but that isn’t the love that she desires. She can pay her own bills. What she craves is affection. A hug when you see her for the first time in a day, holding hands while you walk together, pulling her close to you in the shower just to feel your naked bodies on each other, a kiss at the end of the night before turning over to sleep; this is how love is shown to her. No relationship mimics another, they are all different. Do not make her feel crazy for feeling the way that she does. It is who she is and she will not stray from it. She loves with all that is in her. Just know that you hold you heart in the palm of her hand and can control her every emotion with as little as a look in her direction. Love her, accept her, cherish her, adapt for her. It may not be easy, but I guarantee you she is more that worth it.

Blissful

Sitting here in this coffee shop at a table across from my love, everything starts to hit me and it’s all so surreal. Did we really make it this far? We have been through so much together. I never would have guessed that we would have made it here. I couldn’t be happier though. There are still a lot of issues that we need to fix, but we are both trying and willing to look past the past and move forward. Isn’t that what matters? We have a love that I know can surpass anything. It’s hard to find words to express how I feel right now, yet I attempt to. I look up from my laptop and he catches me gazing at him with love struck eyes. Lost in this bliss, I can imagine my future with him. Oh, the places we’ll go; the memories we’ll make together. I am stressed financially and worried about what my next step is; yet at the same time, I truly couldn’t be happier.

Reputations

Sometimes, reputations are the absolute worst. Yes, you gave the ammunition for people to make these assumptions about you which create certain reputations; the worst part is when you have changed/want to change and no one will believe you because they have no reason to based on prior habits. It’s so frustrating. You wanna understand, but if they want change so badly, why not just have a little faith and trust. Trust. Definitely not an easy word to put into action; especially after being broken so many times. You can’t have a successful relationship without it though. So, I sit here now asking you all what to do next. I mean, you can hope in one hand and shit in another and we know which one will fill up faster. I’m at a loss. Sighs. Gonna call it a night and sleep on it and wish it to magically fix itself tomorrow. While I’m making ridiculous wishes, I wish to be debt free. Night.

My heart is full

It has been a while since my last post. Firstly, I am currently regretting how long I chose to do these nails; it’s a bitch to type. Secondly, me and non-boyfriend worked everything out. We both put it all out there and my ex and I decided to move on and let each other go in hopes that we may each find happiness. Nbf and I are now officially bf and gf. We are all in, and truly want to give this a chance. We have both decided to work on things that we need to, and to stand by each other and help each other grow. Things are going very well. I took him to meet my family on the fourth of July. He’s a very likeable person, yet I was more nervous than I led on. Everything went very well. All in all, I couldn’t be happier. That’s it on that topic. He’s amazing, treats me well, and makes me happy.

New chapter 

Thus begins a new chapter. I knew what I had to do. It was time. I walked up to him and, after a lengthy conversation about our forever love, told him goodbye. I had been needing to do this for a while. No more safety net. It’s time for me to fly on my own and trust myself to stand up and, if I must fall, fall alone. It’s time for me to rely on myself to make the right decisions. I choose to move on. I choose to be happy. I wish the same for him. Until our paths cross again, goodbye. 

My heart should be used to this…

I find myself laying on only the right side of the bed as if you’re returning to your side soon. You aren’t, though. You’re gone. I finally pushed you far enough away for you to come to your senses and stop coming back. I don’t blame you for one second. I understand that I am a force to be reckoned with and cannot be controlled. I won’t lie; my heart is broken over the loss of you. I knew we would never last, yet I hoped we would’ve lasted longer. You deserve the world and I’m sorry that I couldn’t give it to you. I love you and wish only the best for you. You were the best mistake I ever made. Now, I will watch you walk away leaving my heart in my hands broken and yet again alone to put the pieces back together. 

letting go isn’t always easy

I would like to say that I won’t miss you, but that would be a lie. I loved you. Scratch that, I still love you; but it’s time for me to let you go. It seems like just yesterday that we would curl up on the couch together watching movies followed by a nice shower then hours in bed “trying to go to sleep”. Those memories will forever be cherished, but it’s time for you to just be a memory for me. I have invested so much time and emotion into us, but the bad times are starting to outweigh the good, so that’s my cue to exit. I don’t want to ruin the image I have of you, so please allow me to walk away as easily as can be. I don’t doubt that you loved me, but I have a feeling that you knew I would never be your forever. I wish you all the best in the world and know you will achieve great things. I hope you learned something from our relationship. I hope you grew as much as I did. I hope you meet someone who is your perfect fit, like I knew I wasn’t. Take your spare toothbrush out of my bathroom, and empty your clothes out of my dresser. I’d like you to return to me my house keys, and in doing so, the key to my heart. Goodbye.

Create a website or blog at WordPress.com

Up ↑